When was the last time?

When was the last time you grabbed your wife or husband and pulled them close and wrapped your arms around them and told them how much they mean to you?

When was the last time you walked hand in hand together and talked about anything other than the kids or your job, or what your friends are doing, or your finances, or what chores or home projects need to happen that week?

When was the last time you touched each other and snuggled and smooched, without the expectation of having sex? (Also, when was the last time you had sex with your partner that just blew your mind?)

When was the last time you just sat face to face and looked into each other’s eyes and listened to their needs and wants and desires for your relationship?

When was the last time you told her/him that they’re beautiful or sexy or awesome or that they make your world go round?

When was the last time you expressed your appreciation for all the things they do for you or your kids or your community?

When was the last time you thanked them for walking beside you in this life, through all the ups and downs and challenging situations?

When was the last time that you considered that you might need to step up your game and work on your own personal growth in order to be a better husband or wife, for the sake of your relationship and the happiness of your partner (and your own)?

If you’re anything like many couples, especially those who’ve been together a long time, chances are it’s been way too long. And your relationship is probably suffering because of it. (If you don’t think so, just ask your partner.)

But the good news is, it doesn’t have to be that way. Today is the first day of the rest of your marriage, and you can begin again to rekindle the fire between you. It’s not that difficult to do, but it does take some practice and some effort.

And it’s totally worth it. The payoff is not just a better relationship or a happier home life, because with a strong and passionate marriage, we also become better humans in all of our relationships. Our work is better, our play is more fun, and our friendships are richer because of it.

Try it. Sure, your wife or husband will appreciate and respond to it, but all of the other areas of your life will become more fruitful as well.

Because walking around with a blazing fire in your heart, instead of just smoky and smoldering embers, is its own reward, and getting that twinkle back in your eye is like gold in a world full of dreary and dull lumps of coal.

Derek Markham

Things I dig include: simple living, natural fatherhood, attachment parenting, natural building, unassisted childbirth (homebirth), bicycles, permaculture, organic and biodynamic gardening, vegan peanut butter cookies with chocolate chips, bouldering, and the blues. Find me elsewhere at @NaturalPapa, @DerekMarkham, Google+, or RebelMouse.

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