Not the Sharpest Tool In the Shed

Another bizarre day in retail:


I answer the phone, and a woman asks if we carry bulk herbs. She sounds older and talks a little slow.

me: Yes, we have the largest selection in town.

her: Good. I’m looking at an herb book, and I want to know if you have something I read about.

me: What are you looking for?

her: Do you have opium?

me: Excuse me?

her: Do you sell opium?

me: Ummm… No. (laughing)

her: Well, why not?

me: Hmm… Well, it’s a controlled substance. It’s illegal to sell it.

her: But it’s an herb, right?

me: It comes from poppies, although I don’t think it’s considered an herb.

her: But it’s in the herb book.

me: What’s the name of the book?

her: Oh, you know, that really good one, something herbal healing, or herbs for healing.

me: I don’t think I know that one.

her: So why can’t you sell opium?

me: Opium is the base for morphine and heroin. The DEA doesn’t look kindly at co-ops selling narcotics.

her: How do I get some?

me: Umm… I think you need to grow a bunch of poppies and do it yourself. I can’t help you with that.

her: You sell poppy seeds?

me: Yes, we do.

her: Are they the right kind?

me: I don’t think so. Perhaps you should call a garden center.

her: I can’t believe you don’t have opium. It’s an herb. It’s in the book.

me: Take care now. Thanks for calling.

Where do these people come from?

Derek Markham

Things I dig include: simple living, natural fatherhood, attachment parenting, natural building, unassisted childbirth (homebirth), bicycles, permaculture, organic and biodynamic gardening, vegan peanut butter cookies with chocolate chips, bouldering, and the blues. Find me elsewhere at @NaturalPapa, @DerekMarkham, Google+, or RebelMouse.

One thought on “Not the Sharpest Tool In the Shed

  • August 25, 2008 at 5:58 pm
    Permalink

    That woman has some issues! hopefully she didn’t find any opium anywhere! lol

    Reply

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