Deciding that your marriage is over is a difficult and painful decision to make, but sometimes it can be the only healthy option. Getting a divorce can be particularly hard and even messy if there are kids and finances involved.
As hard as filing for divorce can be, there are certain situations in which staying in the relationship would cause more damage than leaving. Justin Tash, a divorce lawyer at Burggraff Tash Levy PLC located in Scottsdale, AZ, says “When considering separating from your spouse, divorce isn’t the only option and it may not be the best option for you.” However, a number of things can be clearly deal-breakers, leading straight to divorce. According to experts, if you think it might be time to end your marriage, there are various signs that you can look for to determine when to move onto the next chapter of your life.
In this article, we have listed a few tips to know if it might be time to file for a divorce.
You no longer communicate
As simple as it may sound, but communication truly is key to a successful marriage. Actively and efficiently communicating with your spouse is vital to the survival of a marriage. When one or both partners aren’t trying to really hear what the other is expressing, they’re indicating that the other’s feelings, thoughts, and needs don’t matter. This frequently leads to one or both spouses finding someone else to confide in, which can lead to further detachment, infidelity and eventually divorce.
The good news is, communication issues can often be resolved with professional counseling. Going to therapy both as a couple and individually can help you work through the communication issues you’re facing as a couple and come up with tangible tools and skills to overcome them. Additionally, couple therapy provides a safe space for honest communication. However, if you or your partner are not willing to get this kind of help and won’t engage with open and healthy communication, that could be cause for divorce, particularly if it’s affecting your overall quality of life.
Absence/ inefficiency of conflict resolution
It is argued that while the lack of communication can put a strain over the relationship, the lack of effective conflict resolution is what actually sinks a marriage. Couples who haven’t developed a way to successfully resolve their differences or end up avoiding or denying all disagreements and conflict, gradually grow apart. Submerging all your differences inevitably results in a loss of respect and increasing distance. Resolving a marital issue requires the participation of both partners. If one spouse can’t put in the time or is unwilling to work through the problem, that would be a clear indicator that the marriage is not going to work out.
Lack of intimacy over extended periods
It is normal for couples to go through dry spells where the frequency and sometimes even quality of intimacy decreases, but sometimes it’s more than just a temporary phase. The lack of interest in sex can be directly linked to disharmony and emotional disconnectedness. When a couple has not been intimate in a long time it is usually a direct indicator that emotional disengagement is steadily increasing. The lack of intimacy and physical affection over long periods of time reflects that the spouses no longer take pleasure in each other and that the partnership and connection are rapidly crumbling, if not already terminal.
Emotional & physical abuse
Emotional and physical abuse is never excusable or acceptable, regardless of the situation. A marriage should make you feel safe and if you’re being abused or threatened in any way, you don’t need to feel bad about leaving. If you frequently feel criticized and put down by your spouse, and this leaves you feeling less than good enough. It might be a clear sign that you are in the wrong relationship. Evaluate the health of your marriage and make sure you feel loved, respected, and protected.
Even if there are children involved, they will be better off not witnessing abuse, after all, children learn by observing so, be careful what toxic relationship elements they’re exposed to. Abuse is an undeniable, solid case for divorce.
Effective divorce resolutions
Divorce can be financially and emotionally draining, but it is not your only choice if your marriage fails. Other different alternatives can be more efficient than divorce, depending on your case. You can opt for a trial separation, mediation, legal separation, or a collaborative permanent divorce. Consult with your lawyer to decide which option will be the most appropriate to resolve your dispute.
While the precise tipping point beyond which a marriage is absolutely doomed can sometimes be hard to identify, according to divorce attorneys and psychologists, these signals are indicators that the relationship might be heading that way. If you are experiencing them, it could be time to have an honest talk with your spouse.
If you can’t mutually reach a middle ground for reconciliation and decide that seeking a couple counselor’s help will not be enough, make an appointment with a mediator or a divorce attorney and try to plan for a decent non-destructive divorce.