It can be difficult to keep that flame burning when you’ve been in a relationship for a while – how can you do it?
When you’ve been in a relationship for a while, often after you’ve started a family, it can be difficult to keep that flame burning as bright as it did when the relationship first started. The sleepless nights, the worries that come with being adults and having to pay bills, focus on a relationship, care for your children – these can all take their toll and often it is the relationship that takes the brunt of it – people find themselves spending less and less time caring about their relationship and sometimes they only truly realize when it is too late.
It is important to keep the spark alive however we can – and whilst this doesn’t mean focus your entire attention on your relationship and forget all other worries, it does mean giving it just that little bit more time than you would before. Here are some tips to help you achieve that…
Add Something Fresh to the Mix
Adding a bit of surprise, a bit of intrigue to the mix can only be a good thing. Pretending you are meeting for the first time can often bring that little bit of spice back to a flagging relationship and remind you of what you once had.
Some people choose to pretend they are picking each other up in the bar, others like to meet this ‘new person’ via an online chat forum and start speaking to them through there – all they do is pretend not to know each other which adds a new level of excitement to the mix. Giving yourself a trip down memory lane by reminding yourself how you felt at the beginning of the relationship can only be a good thing.
Make Some Time for It
This one is easier said than done but it is important to make some time for your relationship, no matter how short that amount of time that is. Even scheduling in thirty minutes to spend together one night a week is better than nothing – you can choose to spend these thirty minutes however you like – eating a home cooked meal, grabbing a takeaway, catching up on the week’s events – as long as you spend it together with little to no distractions.
Some people will be able to dedicate a little more time to their relationships per week than others – obviously family life and working hours will affect how much quality time you do get to spend together – but it is important to have just a little amount of time where you are alone together so you can actually focus on the relationship itself and not worry about anything else for the time being.
Find Your Common Ground
Sometimes it can be hard to keep the magic alive due to increasing amounts of disagreements. This is where it is important to find a common ground, a compromise, something that both of you can agree on and won’t cause any more problems.
There are so many important decisions we have to make as adults, especially when we are in relationships and even more so when we are parents and it is important that we make them as a united partnership rather than argue about them. Of course, everyone is entitled to their own opinion but sitting down and discussing things rationally can often lead to a new found sense of respect for one another and make you start to see your partner in a completely different (and often better) light.
Minimize External Influences
This is one that some people don’t think about but can be such a big issue when it comes to relationships. People will always have opinions on our relationships – whether good or bad – but it is important to not let them cloud our own judgment of our partner. Whilst sometimes these external influences can be only looking out for our best interests, sometimes they do have a vested interest in the relationship itself and end up causing more harm than good. Not letting people get into your head about your own relationship is a key for keeping some of the magic there – otherwise, you can start to see problems where there probably aren’t any.
Best friends can sometimes be a little jealous at having to share their friend, mothers can resent having to share their child with another person – sometimes we listen to what they have to say and start to take their own judgments on board rather than making our own.
Asking simple questions about how your partner’s day went shows you still care and are interested in the parts of their life when they aren’t with you. Listening to what they have to say when they want to tell you something is also important – make just that little bit of time for yourself, for him or her and for your relationship.