Divorce is never easy for spouses, especially when there are kids involved. Couples have to change many things, including how they will parent the child. But often, when both of you are parenting from different homes or even cities, it can be challenging. Divorcing couples should try their best to prioritize their kids. No matter how angry, hurt or bitter you are with your ex, all parenting decisions need to be made with the kids’ interests in mind. Plus, different parenting styles can only lead to another legal battle, which is time-consuming and costly. Here are five of the best parenting styles that partners should adopt after a divorce.
Generally, this is the best style for parenting even when both parents are still together. In this method, both parents try to create and maintain a good relationship with the kids. That does not mean there are no rules involved. Both parents will still lay down the rules to be followed, explain why those rules are important, and enforce consequences where rules are broken. Even when both of you are still engrossed in finalizing your divorce, you should not neglect this parenting style. It takes about a year to finalize a divorce, and even longer when the divorce goes to trial. During this time, your child should still feel loved and prioritized. Kids growing up with this style of parenting are often happy, successful, and likely to be good decision-makers.
It is normal for both parents not to want anything to do with the other after a divorce. On top of that, some court orders on issues such as child support, alimony, and child custody, can leave one or both parents may harbor some resentment. In certain instances, the court can decide whether the lower-earning spouse is entitled to more than 50% of the marital assets in a divorce. In such cases, the higher-earning spouse may not like this decision very much. If such a spouse chooses not to cooperate with the other, kids will be affected. Instead, divorce decisions should not affect how the kids are parented. Parents should cooperate and focus on the growth and well-being of their kids.
In this style, the kids lose their relationship with one parent, hence growing up in a single-parent family unit. This style is ideal in situations where one parent is toxic. It is functional, especially if the absence of a toxic parent is more like a gift. Children growing up in a single-family unit can still thrive as long as they are nurtured in a warm, responsive and sensitive environment. It is also important for single parents to ask for help from friends and family members to reduce the burden of single parenting.
Being realistic means having reasonable parenting expectations from the other parent. If you know one parent has issues with prepping home-cooked meals for the kids or helping them with homework, avoid being critical. The same goes for financial capability. If you know the financial capability of your ex, do not make things difficult by asking for more than necessary. Having too many financial expectations from someone that cannot give you what you want will only lead to frustrations. For instance, most people have debts. In fact, when you exclude mortgages, an average American is probably carrying about $38,000 in debt. Now picture a situation where your ex-spouse is probably paying tuition debt, car debt, or a personal loan. This is a person already in a financial situation. Some consideration from you will go a long way.
Avoid Being Too Controlling
It is natural for a parent to be too controlling with their kids. But when both spouses agree on how each will spend time separately with the kids, the other parent needs to relinquish some control. After all, unless the other parent is abusive or has a history of prior violence, the kids will be safe. Both parents should be allowed to develop a healthy relationship with the kids.
Follow these five parenting tips after going through a divorce. Parenting does not have to be a nightmare, because of this difficult situation. If both parents agree to put the child’s needs above everything, then everything should go smoothly.