Natural Papa » fathers

Review of Wisdom of the Last Farmer

Derek Markham — Tue, 22 Jun 2010 23:51:22 +0000

I’m a book addict. At any given time, I’m in the middle of a handful of books, both fiction and non-fiction, and reading is one of my favorite activities when I need some downtime. I’m also a pretty critical reader, perhaps because I’m a writer, and I usually have a good sense of whether I’ll enjoy a book within the first couple of pages.

One of the books that I just finished reading is Wisdom of the Last Farmer, by David Mas Masumoto (I received the book courtesy of Simon and Schuster).

I must admit, when I began the book, I was expecting something a bit different – a straightforward memoir of farming, or a treatise on local food, maybe. But right in the first chapter, as Masumoto describes discovering that his father just had a stroke, I knew that I was in for another type of book altogether. Sure, it’s a memoir, but it’s also a story about a father and a son, it’s about healing, about Japanese American immigrants and California’s Central Valley, and it’s a glimpse inside the mind of a farmer who is truly rooted to the land.

“After his father has a stroke on the sprawling fields of their farm, Masumoto looks with new eyes on the land on which he and generations of his family have labored for decades. He sees the price they have paid to grow flavorful heirloom peaches—while the market rewards tasteless, big and red fruits—and the challenges of maintaining traditions and integrity while working in the modern, high-pressure agricultural marketplace. “Most organic farmers don’t do what we for the money,” says Masumoto. “Something else keeps us toiling despite the challenges—our emotional connections to the living things we grow, to the land, even to the people who eat what we produce.”

Masumoto comes from a family of farmers – farmers who immigrated to the US, were subject to internment during WWII because of their Japanese ancestry, and who worked tirelessly in order to eventually own land and put down roots. His family’s story is one of sweat, blood, and tears. It’s also a story of the blending of two cultures, and the struggle to work with the sun, wind, rain, and soil for a noble cause – producing food.

Masumoto’s father figures prominently in the book, and as he shared the many things he has learned from him about being a steward of the land, I found myself with a whole new appreciation for the skills and level of patience and persistence necessary to being a farmer. His descriptions of the farm are crisp and vivid, bringing me right into the orchards with him, and in his depictions of the day to day struggles of farming (especially organic farming and the growing of heirloom fruit varieties), I recognize once again the value of hard work and honest labor.

As I read Wisdom of the Last Farmer, I saw that not only does Masumoto understand how to work with the land to produce food, but he also understands the delicate dance that is the relationship between father and son. His thoughtful handling of his father’s condition, and the story of helping him come back to the farm and return to some semblance of his former work is touching, and shows a tenderness and respect for his father’s life and accomplishments.

I think that anyone with an interest in food, farming, healing, or the relationship between fathers and sons, will enjoy Masumoto’s book, and walk away with a whole new appreciation for the efforts necessary to bring forth fruit from the fertile soil of the heart.

David Mas Masumoto is the award-winning author of Epitaph for a Peach and other books, popular columnist, spokesperson for organic farming, and a fellow at the Kellogg Foundation. A third-generation farmer, he grows certified organic peaches, nectarines, and grapes on his family’s eighty-acre California farm. He lives in Del Rey, California. For more information, please visit www.masumoto.com.

Fathers Day Gift Ideas from Natural Papa

Derek Markham — Mon, 24 May 2010 18:00:05 +0000

It’s almost that time! Need an idea for a Fathers Day gift for the man in your life?

Of course, Fathers Day isn’t just about presents, so simply buying your dad or husband a gizmo won’t make him feel appreciated…

But it certainly won’t hurt.

To help you find a great gift for Fathers Day, I thought I’d share some of the things that I most enjoy and get the most use out of. If you’re looking for a great gift for your dad, your husband, or perhaps your son, consider one of these.

One of the things that’s always with me is my pocket watch. It’s a Victorinox Swiss Army Pocket Watch, heavy duty and built to last. I’ve had it for about 5 years now, and it runs like a champ. I love the fact that it’s analog, as we’ve all got entirely too many digital gadgets in our lives. The only thing I did to it was to replace the link that clips on your pants with a strong lockable link, and it rides in the side pocket (carpenter’s pocket) of my pants. My kids have spent hours playing with it, and my youngest (1 year old) has just discovered it – he loves to pull it out of my pocket and swing it around. It makes a great gift for Fathers Day.

I always carry a Micra Tool with me, and it’s one of the handiest tools to ever fit in your pocket. I’ve worn out one in the last 10 years, and quickly replaced it as I can’t live without it. It’s small, useful, and affordable – I also have a Leatherman-type full size tool, but don’t carry it everywhere, as the Micra can handle most small daily tasks.

My Merkur Safety Razor is how I take care of the whiskers each day. I used to shave with either an electric razor or a cartridge razor, but now I can’t imagine shaving with anything else except a safety razor (one of these days, I know I’ll get a straight razor, but until then…). It’s a solid tool, gives me a great shave, and is an eco-friendly shaving option.

For pants, I gave up on regular jeans years ago, as they didn’t last long enough (and they didn’t have enough pockets for me). I put some hard wear on clothing sometimes, and I want something that looked good, lasted a long time, and was practical. The answer for me is Carhartt pants. I’ve got a couple of pair of the double front work pants, and several pairs of the regular ‘dungaree’ style. They come in great color choices, and can fit in to most any social environment (I’ve never worn them with a tux, but you never know). The only issue I have with them is they aren’t made from organic cotton, and cotton is one of the worst offenders for crops that take the most amount of heinous chemicals to grow. (Carhartt, are you listening? We want organic cotton choices!)

Whenever I travel, whether by car or on foot, I always carry my stainless steel thermos filled with hot tea or coffee. I’ve had mine for years, and whenever I pour myself a cup from it, I’m thankful for the technology that can keep things hot just about all day long. It’s also come in very handy for camping with kids – warm water for washing baby’s buns is always available!

A great addition to any first aid kit or travel kit is the Honey Propolis Salve. It’s healed more scratches, wounds, burns, and blisters in our house than you can shake a stick at (I love that saying). The salve is all natural, stays put on ouchies, and is gentle for any age.

My must-have gadget for dads is a headlamp. I’ve had several over the years, and taken them on river trips, camping, even just traveling. They’re great for such mundane tasks as taking the compost out at night, finding lost kids toys, setting up camp after dark, and my favorite, reading in bed after lights-out (it lets me read while the wife and kids are snoozing, without waking them up). My choice is the Black Diamond Spot Headlamp, as it’s made well, got multiple brightness settings, and uses LEDs, so the batteries last a long time.

I love my bikes. I don’t ride as much as I used to, but when I do, I like to be prepared. So I carry the Topeak Alien Bicycle Tool, which has all the basics for side of the road repair, and it comes in handy in the shop as well. It’s made well, with 26 different tools in one. With this and a flat repair and pump, you’re all set for most bike emergencies.

Another important accessory for bikes is a bell – I didn’t think so until I did a lot of riding in town, and then I used it all the time to warn pedestrians who weren’t paying attention, and to alert other bikers that I was passing them. My favorite is the Mirrycle Incredibell, which has a small profile, but has a large enough sound to make sure you’re heard.

The Solio universal solar charger is sweet accessory for power on the go. I was given one as a gift, and used it to charge my phone, power my MP3 player, and run an electric razor. The internal battery, charged by the sun, or via a USB connection, holds a charge for a year. If you’re serious about using less fossil fuels, the Solio will help you get there – use it as the sole source of power for your phone, for example.

One year, my dad gave me a Ray Jardine knife making kit, and I got hooked on making knives (more on that in a future post). It’s not as hard as you think, especially with Ray’s kit, and I think every dad needs to have a knife that they’ve made themselves. It’s also a great father-son or father-daughter activity! My daughter and I made her a knife together, and it’s the first thing she packs when we head to the woods.

I’m also a great fan of wool – wool sweaters (and shirts) can be picked up at thrift stores for cheap, and they are one of the best insulating clothing choices around, and Merino wool socks are thin enough to be comfortable, yet warm enough for most winter activities. If you’re a knitter or crocheter, a hand made scarf or hat is another super gift for a dad.

My generic mp3 player finally died, and I had some birthday money saved up, so I picked up an iPod Nano, and I can’t believe I waited so long to get one! It syncs quickly, has enough memory for a huge playlist, and it’s got a built-in video camera. I love the slim size and easy plug-n-play aspect of it – my other one needed several work arounds in order for me to get my music onto it, so this one’s a winner.

And don’t forget, dads need nurturing as well. For Fathers Day, consider getting him a gift certificate for a massage from your local massage therapist – when you see the look on his face afterward, you’ll be glad you did! Or perhaps get him an old-school barbershop shave!

Top image: ChrisaMichaels at Flickr

Two-fer Tuesday: Fresh Foods and Crazy Broads

Derek Markham — Tue, 11 May 2010 19:03:39 +0000

Today’s Two-fer Tuesday picks come from Big Daddy Paul and Jack be Nimble:

From And So it Begins:

“I have been on a rant about fresh, unprocessed foods for a while now, so I decided to put my money where my mouth is. Actually, since it involves food, I am going to put my mouth where my mouth is. (Or is it my stomach?) Either way, I have decided that this week I am going to do my best to live without processed foods. That’s right, no jars, no boxes and certainly nothing that comes out of a tube. If I want to eat it, I have to make it. No exceptions.”

And from Educating a Crazy Broad:

“Don’t ask us if we think another girl is pretty unless you are willing to hear what we really think. Say what you mean and mean what you say. You might be surprised to find that we do that with far greater frequency than we are given credit for. AND we do it with far greater frequency than women do, again, if we go by crass gender stereotypes.”

Two-fer Tuesday: Dads and Toddlers, Tiger and Jesse

Derek Markham — Tue, 06 Apr 2010 14:57:00 +0000

It’s been a few weeks since I’ve posted a Two-fer, but I’m back on track now. My process for picking these is simple: Open up my feed reader (I love Feedly for RSS subscriptions), scan through my ‘fathers’ and ‘parenting’ folders, looking for gems to share with you. If you’ve got a favorite post I should highlight here, email me at derek at (thisdomain).com and I’ll check it out.

For today’s Two-fer Tuesday post, we find out that fathers are essential (duh!) and question why we should care about celebrity scandals.

From DIY Father:

“Many involved fathers have known for a long time what a recent study from the university of Montreal has just proven: Dads’ involvement with children from day one is essential. This particular study shows that “exploration behaviour” of toddlers is activated by fathers. Details are below but the last sentence of the article pretty much sums it up for me: “… fathers provide something different to the child who will benefit greatly from this singular contribution.”

At Silicon Valley Moms blog (from David of Dads House Blog):

“Jesse James and Tiger Woods have taken over the tabloids with their marital infidelities. Jesse James is of course married to Oscar-winning Best Actress Sandra Bullock, and Tiger Woods is the world’s greatest golfer. Allegations paint both men in very negative lights. They cheated on their wives multiple times. And they and their wives are now in the media spotlight because of it. The Tiger Woods affair scandal has become pathetic.

Why should we give either of these men any attention?”

Do me a favor and check out both of those posts, and if you are so moved, leave a comment or subscribe to their blogs!

Two-fer Tuesday: Better Citizens and Square Foot Gardening

Derek Markham — Tue, 23 Feb 2010 16:34:20 +0000

This week’s Two-fer Tuesday links cover two topics near and dear to me: gardening and self-improvement. Both posts come from dads, and I think they’re deserving of a read, a share, and some comments.

Plus, a newly widowed father and his daughter needs your help, so please open your hearts and wallets to them.

The first piece is from Dear Mr. Man (“Male by birth… Man by choice.”), who gives us 25 Things We Can Do To Become Better Citizens and Parents:

“We have lofty expectations for our leaders. It is easy for us to criticize from afar, but take no action on our own. It is simpler to live our lives in a vacuum rather than actually doing something. I am proposing that we indeed, do something to become better citizens (and better parents in the process).”

From FrugalDad we’ve got Square Foot Gardening: How To Grow Vegetables In Your Own Backyard:

“Gardens appeal to self-sufficient, frugal types like me. While I won’t be able to fully feed my family of four with our mini-harvest, we will surely enjoy some fresh-picked vegetables to supplement our spring and summer meals. With any excess, we may even do a little canning. Gardening is also therapeutic in that provides something to look forward to, and is a great stress-reducing hobby.”

I just heard about this fundraiser today, so if you’re feeling generous and would like to help improve the life of a dad and child, please consider donating to the Sonic Boom fund or auction:

“On the 5th of January 2010 Tee Morris found himself facing raising his daughter (with the alias of Sonic Boom) alone, after the sudden, shocking death of his wife Natalie.

The podcasting, writing, and social media community gathered around and within days had raised over $10,000 to cover funeral expenses and other pressing bills Tee was facing. This response was incredible, and showed just how much Tee has touched the lives of others.

However now, as a community we are turning our attention to Sonic Boom’s future. She is only five now, and relying on Tee to provide everything for her. We have the aim of providing a trust buffer for her, so that she can go to college if she wants.”

Image: Randy Son of Robert at Flickr

Tiny Commitments: A Daily Dad Schedule

Derek Markham — Thu, 14 Jan 2010 22:02:35 +0000

Over the last couple of months, I’ve been noticing the tendency in myself to easily make time for a quick phone call or email during my day if it’s work related, but a reluctance to be able to fit in some of the more important things every day, such as really connecting with my wife and children one-on-one.

It might be a guy thing, or maybe it’s just me, but I can often devote an hour to reading something of interest to me professionally, but have a hard time stopping to get down on the ground and rough-house with the kids.

My priorities needed to change – sure, work is important, but if I’m not close to my family, it’s for nothing, as I truly see my family as the greatest value in my life.

Our family has been working on the idea of ‘family dates’, where my oldest daughter will go somewhere just with mama, and our younger will do something with me, or the other way around. That’s been good, but they haven’t happened often enough to be a regular thing. I’d like to make connecting with each member of my family a regular daily item.

We’re good at making bigger plans – next week we go to this event, or next month we’ll do this family activity, but those types of plans don’t happen frequently enough for us, or we think that we’ll get some good family when it happens and we don’t focus on it in the mean-time.

Making Tiny Commitments

I realize that it’s so easy for me to be schedule-oriented when it comes to work commitments, so I am beginning to actually schedule some tiny daily commitments to my favorite people, so that it happens. I’m making a note on my daily scheduler (Google Calendar) for each of my kids and for my wife, with a reminder to do something meaningful with them each day. It doesn’t have to be a regularly scheduled time each day, as my day is flexible, but it may evolve into that.

The types of things we do together can be whatever they may want to do with me – as long as I’m dedicated to spending that time with them, we can do just about anything, so that they are really in control of the time with me.

My tiny commitments are separate from any of my other regular household commitments, such as washing clothes or dishes, and I’m starting small – 15 minutes. It’s only a quarter of an hour, but it is a quarter of an hour when I am completely present with them – no phone, no interruptions, no thinking about the rest of my day. And I’m finding that I need it as much as they do – it fills me up so that I can go on with my day with a light heart.

Keep it Simple and Spontaneous

Recently I spent some great one-on-one time with my 4YO, and she led the whole thing. We got down close to the ground and spent a long time just examining all the different dried seed pods and flowers that grew in a tiny area. We then stuck them like velcro onto my wool sweater, and talked about the seed connection between animals and plants, and how seeds will hitchhike with us. I know that I learned as much from her as she did from me, and came away with a whole new appreciation for things that I take for granted – the seeds of native plants and weeds in my neighborhood. And our whole ‘date’ was under a half hour long.

If you know that you often go a week without spending any really dedicated time with your kids or your wife, make some tiny daily commitments to them.

You’ll not only make them happy, but your life will get recharged by them as well.

Homebirth Dads: 10 Questions with Adam Pedley

Derek Markham — Fri, 04 Dec 2009 07:33:22 +0000

10 Questions for Homebirth Dads with Adam Pedley

Adam Pedley is a father of 2 boys and is in the business of helping others. One of the support groups he runs with his wife is Home Birth My Birth.

1. Why did you choose homebirth?

Well, I didn’t choose homebirth, my wife did. My wife had an unpleasant experience in hospital and didn’t want to go back there again.

2. Whose idea was it, yours or hers? If hers, what convinced you to agree? If yours, what gave you the idea?

It was my wife’s idea. My first reaction was a look of confusion. For me I only knew that babies were born in hospital and I didn’t even think you were allowed to give birth at home. After my wife gave me more information on home birth I became a little more open to the idea. I don’t think I actually had a choice, so I had to agree.

3. What homebirth books or resources did you find to be the most helpful?

Well, to be honest my wife was the one giving me the information, I didn’t actually look up anything myself. My wife read many articles and books on the subject and always discussed it with me while she was reading them. Some of the books that my wife did find useful and interesting were by Michel Odent. He was the man who pioneered water birth in western society.

4. Before the birth, what fears or issues did you have surrounding homebirth (or birth in general)? How did those change for you after experiencing the birth?

The main fear of a homebirth was what if something went wrong. It seems to be a common theme that runs through anyone first introduced to home birthing. The main thing that got me through those fears was learning that the midwife was medically trained and if an emergency did occur, even though highly unlikely, we would just go to the hospital.

5. What do you wish someone had told you before your first homebirth? What advice would you give to a first time homebirth dad?

I think I was told everything before the homebirth so I was quite relaxed during the whole birth.

For first time homebirth dads I would say that homebirths are natural and the way it has been done for most generations before us whereas hospital births are relatively new. If there is a problem (and that would be very rare) it’s only a short trip to hospital. Also complications during birth don’t happen within minutes, any warning signs are there well in advance, normally before labor starts. There are so many advantages for everyone with a homebirth I wouldn’t have enough time to list them.

6. Which part of the birth did you find to be the most difficult or challenging for you?

I actually found it very easy. My wife always laughs when I say to others that the birth was very easy. I think I was just running on adrenalin during the birth as it occurred early morning yet I felt exhilarated.

7. Did you have support during the birth from your guy friends? If so, what was the most supportive? If not, what would have helped you the most?

All of my guy friends were either single or had no children. Many found it astounding that my wife was going to give birth at home in water and they generally just displayed fear at the concept.

8. How was your interaction with the midwife during the birth? What could have made that better?

The midwife was great during the birth. She left my wife to birth how she wanted and just checked up on a few things during the labor. It was great just having someone there making sure everything is ok and reassuring my wife if needed.

9. How has the relationship with your partner changed after having a homebirth together?

Our relationship has stayed the same, though we were a lot more relaxed and closer after the birth, than after the birth in hospital.

10. Would you have another homebirth? Why or why not?

I wouldn’t do it any other way now. It was such a peaceful birth, both the baby and mother were happy and relaxed and so was I. I remember when he was born. He came out, arms wide open and looking up at us as he floated in the birth pool. It was an amazing experience.

Bonus: Will you describe the emotional/spiritual side of your birth experience from a man’s viewpoint?

It was an exciting and joyous moment when my son entered the world. Having a water birth at home was very relaxing and it was great to be having a birth the way my wife wanted. I was very proud of my wife.

[Thank you, Adam, for being willing to share your homebirth experience with us. It's always good for fathers to share their stories, as I don't think it happens enough, especially when it comes to birth. Readers: If you know any other homebirth dads who would like to share their answers for this 10 Questions series, please have them contact me at derek (at) naturalpapa.com]

Image: christine [cbszeto] at Flickr

Homebirth Dads: 10 Questions with Jerry Shannon

Derek Markham — Wed, 14 Oct 2009 13:08:29 +0000

10 Questions for Homebirth Dads with Jerry Shannon

Jerry is a graduate student in Geography at the University of Minnesota and an active dad of two sons. His wife Sarah helps lead the local chapter of the International Cesarean Network (ICAN).

1. Why did you choose homebirth?

We chose homebirth because it was the only situation that we felt would assure my wife, Sarah, a chance to have the birth she wanted. Our first child was born by cesarean section after a series of medical interventions. After talking with several OBs and midwives in the area, it was clear that any hospital birth would be highly monitored and that the specter of another cesarean would always be in the background. Doing a homebirth was the only way out of that system.

2. Whose idea was it, yours or hers? If hers, what convinced you to agree? If yours, what gave you the idea?

It was Sarah’s idea originally. I had some concerns both about safety and the cost, since insurance probably wouldn’t cover it. After reading through some of the research, my fears about safety got a lot less. This second child will be our last one, and this was an important enough event that we found money to cover the cost.

3. What homebirth books or resources did you find to be the most helpful?

Sarah showed me several articles, none of which I can recall specifically. We watched the Business of Being Born, which was also helpful. Interviewing homebirth midwives influenced my decision, too. The midwife we worked with had attended hundreds of births as a doula and had done over a hundred as a midwife, so I felt confident that she knew what she was doing.

4. Before the birth, what fears or issues did you have surrounding homebirth (or birth in general)? How did those change for you after experiencing the birth?

There’s the obvious fears of complications, uterine rupture or hemorrhaging specifically. We live less than 5 minutes from an emergency room, which helped make me feel better about that. The birth went perfectly, and I’d say afterwards that as long as there is a backup plan if complications arise, I’d feel no fear in choosing this again. I also was nervous about being on our own so soon after the birth, but honestly, it was much easier being at home in our own space and not having to worry about the hassle of finding food/setting up the hospital room/etc. It probably helped that this was our second child.

5. What do you wish someone had told you before your first homebirth? What advice would you give to a first time homebirth dad?

I’m not sure what advice I wish I’d had. While I was initially skeptical, I’ve been converted to the virtues of homebirth. It was much more comfortable and less stressful than our first birth. And I think it’s really important that Sarah was able to choose the birth she wanted.

6. Which part of the birth did you find to be the most difficult or challenging for you?

I’m kind of a doer, so it was hard for me to sit still and just hold Sarah’s hand for much of the labor. She had to tell me to stop talking more than once. I wanted to be helpful, but the most important thing was to be present as an emotional support for her.

7. Did you have support during the birth from your guy friends? If so, what was the most supportive? If not, what would have helped you the most?

Men in my family supported our decision, but I could tell that everyone was nervous about not being in the hospital. I wouldn’t say my guy friends disapproved. But this was definitely something we were choosing on our own. Our main support came from ICAN–the cesarean support group that Sarah’s been a part of.

8. How was your interaction with the midwife during the birth? What could have made that better?

The interaction with the midwife and her assistant was great. For the first hour or two of the labor they were busy getting the supplies set up. Getting the birth tub to the right temperature was difficult, since our hot water heater kept running out. But we just kept working at it until it was at a temperature she felt comfortable with. Our birth went from midnight to 7 am, and the predawn hours were pretty quiet for everyone. We just sat around the birth tub and tried to be supportive of Sarah as she labored.

9. How has the relationship with your partner changed after having a homebirth together?

For Sarah, having the successful HBAC was huge. I think the fact that we both decided on it together, largely on our own initiative, definitely strengthened our relationship.

10. Would you have another homebirth? Why or why not?

No question. I’m a homebirth evangelist. Obviously, there are cases where closer medical supervision is necessary. But given the lower cost of homebirth and the fact that it was way more comfortable to be in our own space, I wouldn’t think twice about doing it again.

Bonus: Will you describe the emotional/spiritual side of your birth experience from a man’s viewpoint?

Birth is an emotionally intense experience. Being able to do it on our terms made it all the more significant–this process was so much more empowering than a hospital birth. It’s also cool to be able to walk through our dining room and point to the exact spot our son entered the world.

[Wow, another successful homebirth after cesarean (HBAC)! Thank you, Jerry, for being willing to share your story. Readers - if you know any other homebirth dads who would like to share their answers for this 10 Questions series, contact me at derek (at) naturalpapa.com]

Image: schmollmolch at Flickr

Homebirth Dads: 10 Questions with Jason Palmer

Derek Markham — Mon, 12 Oct 2009 18:26:37 +0000

10 Questions for Homebirth Dads with Jason Palmer

Jason Palmer is the husband of Marisa, who blogs at Mama Needs A Hobby. Jason is a hard worker, skateboarder and loving dad to 2 little ones – a hospital birth and a home birth v/hbac.

1. Why did you choose homebirth?

My wife felt very strongly about it after our first sons birth was a hospital birth that left her very unhappy with hospitals. I felt that she was strong enough and I believe in her.

2. Whose idea was it, yours or hers? If hers, what convinced you to agree? If yours, what gave you the idea?

It was my wife’s, I believe in her and I knew it was something she could do. She was cheated with our first sons birth as I previously mentioned in question #1 and she felt very strongly about it.

3. What homebirth books or resources did you find to be the most helpful?

I didn’t really read anything; I went through the hospital birth. We did Lamaze beforehand and were prepared for a natural birth that way. Unfortunately it didn’t happen to be a vaginal birth but an unneeded c-section. She also had me watch The Business of Being Born, which I believed half the births in the hospital don’t need to be there. Which helped lead us to a home birth.

4. Before the birth, what fears or issues did you have surrounding homebirth (or birth in general)? How did those change for you after experiencing the birth?

The what ifs are always a fear of mine. My birth had been complicated (cord wrapped around my neck and I was month late, meconium poisoning. This was in 1980 as well) so that played a large role in the fear that I had. Before I knew the facts about VBACs I was very on the fence about the whole home birth experience. After the birth, I wouldn’t have it any other way. It was magical. It was the total 180 degrees experience that I had at the hospital with our older son. When you’re at home, the home setting, it relaxes you in a certain way. That you’re at home, you’re comfortable, she was comfortable. It all just felt right. It’s like they say, There’s no place like home.

5. What do you wish someone had told you before your first homebirth? What advice would you give to a first time homebirth dad?

I can’t think of anything that I had wished anyone had told me before had honestly. Oh wait, just like in a hospital, when she says to shut up you should shut up! The advice I would give to a first time home birth dad is to be as helpful as you can be. You are your spouses’ main support. To do the best that you can to make the day for her even more special.

6. Which part of the birth did you find to be the most difficult or challenging for you?

The very end, because watching her work that hard it’s just a strain to watch her go through that and not be able to step in for her or take the pain away. I felt very useless at that point even though I know I was very helpful.

7. Did you have support during the birth from your guy friends? If so, what was the most supportive? If not, what would have helped you the most?

Where we live, I don’t really have any close friends. They’re all hours away from here so support was very limited when we did get to talk. Something like these questions, from another guys perspective would have helped me big time. It would have helped calm fears and nerves.

8. How was your interaction with the midwife during the birth? What could have made that better?

From the minute we walked into her home office I felt welcome. She was more of a friend then someone we were paying to deliver our child. Nothing could have made it better. We lucked out with an awesome midwife.

9. How has the relationship with your partner changed after having a homebirth together?

I will always think of it as something we did together with little outside help. I will always consider it one of our greatest adventures of our story together.

10. Would you have another homebirth? Why or why not?

Absolutely. Since I have experienced both a hospital birth and a home birth, I would consider home birth the hands down way to go.

Bonus: Will you describe the emotional/spiritual side of your birth experience from a man’s viewpoint?

I am not a very emotional/spiritual person; I can say that there is no other feeling quite like it. It felt like a long, scary waiting a game – but at the end you get a piece of you and in a split second you know you’d give your life for theirs.

[Thanks for your answers, Jason. I'm always jazzed to hear about vaginal home births after c-section (VBAC), because many think it's not an option. Readers, if you know any other homebirth dads that would like to participate in the 10 Questions series, contact me - derek (at) naturalpapa.com]

Image: bjora857 at Flickr

Fatherhood: 100 Ways to be a Better Father

Derek Markham — Mon, 05 Oct 2009 05:13:58 +0000

Fatherhood is a tricky proposition. We all want to be great dads, but chances are, our fathers never sat down with us and taught us how to be one.

And we don’t necessarily want to be our fathers. I mean, we want to emulate their positive influence on us, but we also want to do it our own way. And because children tend to spend more of their time with their mother, not being the greatest dad ever isn’t as obvious. No matter who we are, though, we can always improve our relationship with our kids and our spouse, and we can redefine the meaning of fatherhood each and every day.

There’s not as big of a movement toward better ‘fathering’ as there is toward better mothering. No big fancy fatherhood magazines, no Oprah for dads, no real exchange of fatherhood improvement programs. There’s just Natural Papa. (I’m kidding. There’s a bunch of great dad blogs out there.)

I’m a crappy dad sometimes, yet I hope that I’m always learning how to be a better father, so I felt moved to put some of my thoughts on fatherhood down in words to share with you.

I read a post called ‘Tackle Any Issue With a List of 100′, by Luciano Passuello, a couple of weeks ago, and then later I came across ’100 Ways To Live A Better Life, by Dragos, which was inspired by ’100 Ways to Be a Better Leader’, by Mike King, which was inspired by ’100 Ways To Show Boldness’, by Armen, which was originally inspired by… You guessed it, Luciano’s post about lists of 100. Whew. Got that straight?

Anyway, after reading those, I thought I would format my ideas on fatherhood into my own list of 100. If you have something to add, I’d love a comment about it.

100 Ways to be a Better Father

Be present with your children.
Heap lavish amounts of praise on your kids.
Focus on the positive when speaking to your children.
Say I love you. A lot.
Don’t be afraid to show your emotions to your family.
Work on improving your relationship with your wife or partner.
Take time out from work for family time.
Laugh at yourself. All the time.
Listen to your kids with all of your attention.
Learn new things by teaching your children about them.
Start a personal journal.
Hold your kids accountable for their actions and words, but don’t use punishment to teach..
Leave your watch and daytimer on your desk sometimes.
Make a meal for your family.
Do something wacky and unpredictable in front of your kids.
Spend some time one-on-one with your child.
Get moving. Have a fitness plan in place and get your kids to join in.
Take more walks, and leave the car at home.
Fall in love with your wife. Again.
Admit you’re wrong when you are.
Forgive your dad for any grudges you hold against him.
Teach a new dad what you’ve learned so far.
Take time for yourself, so you can bring that sense of fulfillment with you to the family.
Remember what you hated to hear from your parents as a kid and vow to be different.
Read out loud to your children.
Leave your work issues at your job. Don’t dump on your kids because your day was bad.
Drop your change in a jar each day. When full, open a savings account for your child.
Once in a while, ask your kids what you can do better. Then do it better.
Hugs and kisses are golden. Be generous.
Let your kids make their own choices.
Get out in nature with the family.
Count to 10 before you react to your children’s actions.
Remember that kids mirror our actions, so watch what you say to or around them.
Parenting is a shared responsibility. Jump in and do something mom normally does.
Learn from your elders – ask them what they’ve learned as fathers.
When a child does something not so nice, separate their actions from them in your mind. A child is never bad, even though their actions may be.
The next time you feel like giving up on something, do it anyway and use it as a teaching moment.
Remember that everyone is somebody’s child.
Listen to yourself. Do you sound like your dad? Is that a good thing?
Give yourself a break. I haven’t met a father yet who doesn’t make mistakes.
Unplug the TV and pretend it’s broken once in a while. Or hide it.
Go with your child to school once in a while. Meet the teacher and ask how you can help.
Make your health and fitness a priority so you’ll be around for your kids for a long time.
Teach the value of service to others by volunteering in your neighborhood, church, or school.
Write love notes and leave them for your kids to find.
Read a book about fatherhood.
Write a book about fatherhood.
Make some snacks for the kids as a surprise.
Speak as one with your wife, so your kids don’t play you off on one another.
Do you say yes all the time? Use no when you mean it, even if they don’t like it.
Do you say no all the time? Say yes once in a while.
Snuggle with your kids.
Show your wife respect always. Make sure your kids do also.
Take the time to really explain things to your children. Don’t just say “because I said so.”
Ask for help if you need it. Don’t suffer from excess pride.
Accept who you are, but don’t settle. Strive to improve yourself every day.
Smile at your children and your partner.
Make amends when you’re wrong or grumpy or harsh with your kids.
Periodically assess your life and change course if needed. Don’t be unhappy just because you think you can’t change.
Take a class or learn a new skill with your kids.
Act as if you’re the best dad ever.
Imagine you’ve only got one week left to live. How would you treat your kids? What’s stopping you from doing that right now?
Let your kids see you cry.
Explore every park in your town.
Once in a while, take a day off just because, and spend it with your family.
Find out about your family history and start sharing it with your kids.
Give high fives for each tiny accomplishment they make.
Get out of debt as quick as you can, and teach your kids about the value of being debt-free.
Take a big leap when you see an opportunity, and show your children about trust, faith, and the virtue of following your dreams.
Get down on their level and try to see things as they do. Chances are, you’ve forgotten what it’s like.
Learn some really corny kid jokes and use them often.
Hold a family meeting and get your kid’s input on important decisions.
Don’t just give your kids the answers to questions. Show them how to find the answers.
Remember, they’re never too old for piggyback rides.
Have patience with your children. Don’t expect them to be perfect.
Don’t insist on conformity. Let your kids follow their dreams, not yours.
Hold their hands, literally.
Remember to let your children save face. Embarrassing them in front of their friends is not cool.
Keep your relationship issues between you and your wife. Don’t let your kids take on all your crap.
When your children were babies, you gushed over them. Do the same thing for them now.
Don’t gossip around your kids.
Stand up for the weak, the oppressed, the underdog.
Grow a beard. (Actually, I just put that in to see if you were paying attention.)
Take your child to work with you and explain what you do for a living.
Make something by hand with them. Don’t worry about perfection, just enjoy the process.
Once in a while, give them a “get out of jail free” card.
Tell your children how much they mean to you.
Follow through on your promises to them.
Give your kids responsibilities.
Speak to your children as your equals. Give them the respect you ask for.
Plan surprises for them and keep them guessing.
When speaking to other adults, act as if your kids were listening.
Play games with your children. Let them win sometimes, but don’t make it obvious or easy.
Before you walk in the door from work, take some deep breaths and leave your work outside.
Give mom the day off once in a while, and get the kids to help you pamper her.
Be generous with your time, your energy, and your money. Give freely to those in need.
Cultivate your fatherhood Superpowers.
Don’t let other adults get away with unacceptable behavior around your kids.
Remember the Golden Rule. It does apply to your children as well.
Find your center and define what truly matters to you. Make that your inner retreat when life throws you a curve ball, and share that with your kids.

What have I missed? Please leave a comment with your addition to this list.
Image: Paul Keleher at Flickr

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