Comments on: Bullies and Kids: How Do You Respond? http://naturalpapa.com/parenting/bullies-and-kids-how-do-you-respond/ Fatherhood and natural parenting from the perspective of a tree-hugging dirt worshipper Mon, 21 May 2012 15:00:48 +0000 hourly 1 By: Adam Blum http://naturalpapa.com/parenting/bullies-and-kids-how-do-you-respond/#comment-10920 Adam Blum Mon, 24 May 2010 18:15:45 +0000 http://naturalpapa.com/?p=2578#comment-10920 You do your best to raise a moral kid, a kid with empathy, a kid who can pause to consider consequences before they take action. And you also teach them that sometimes, backing down isn't an option, and there are things worth fighting for. And then you teach them HOW to fight. Violence is a poor way to resolve normal conflicts. But its a powerful and effective tool to keep in reserve when you need it. http://www.totalbullysolution.com http://emergingcenter.wordpress.com You do your best to raise a moral kid, a kid with empathy, a kid who can pause to consider consequences before they take action. And you also teach them that sometimes, backing down isn’t an option, and there are things worth fighting for. And then you teach them HOW to fight.
Violence is a poor way to resolve normal conflicts. But its a powerful and effective tool to keep in reserve when you need it.

http://www.totalbullysolution.com
http://emergingcenter.wordpress.com

]]> By: Shane http://naturalpapa.com/parenting/bullies-and-kids-how-do-you-respond/#comment-10686 Shane Tue, 18 May 2010 17:56:01 +0000 http://naturalpapa.com/?p=2578#comment-10686 I've had experiences of being a victim of verbal bullying. I'm a girl so when I was a kid, beating each other up wasn't the answer, but torturing each other seemed to be. It took until I was an adult to finally get up the courage to let one lifetime bully have it. It was a relationship that should have ended when we were 8, but lasted 20 more years. It's been years now since that and I'm so glad to have let it go. Just wish I had gotten some better advice sooner. I’ve had experiences of being a victim of verbal bullying. I’m a girl so when I was a kid, beating each other up wasn’t the answer, but torturing each other seemed to be. It took until I was an adult to finally get up the courage to let one lifetime bully have it. It was a relationship that should have ended when we were 8, but lasted 20 more years. It’s been years now since that and I’m so glad to have let it go. Just wish I had gotten some better advice sooner.

]]> By: Gonan Premfors http://naturalpapa.com/parenting/bullies-and-kids-how-do-you-respond/#comment-10667 Gonan Premfors Tue, 18 May 2010 05:28:10 +0000 http://naturalpapa.com/?p=2578#comment-10667 Dear Derek I cannot agree more. As a child you cannot see that. As parents and adults we really need to work on eliminating the victimhood in order to eliminate the scenario of bullying. I think we can do this by two ways, by empowering our children and even letting them to say no to us if something is not working for them and be respectful about it. That also does not mean that they get away with everything. the solutions have to be co-created. I have a blog post about this if you like please read and comment. http://parentologyblog.com/2010/04/part-1-know-no-power/ Secondly we need to educate other parents to not to victimize their children. I feel a lot for those children too. For them, this is the only way that they can be seen, heard and given power to. Thank you for writing this blog. Gonan .-= Gonan Premfors´s last blog ..<a href="http://parentologyblog.com/2010/05/correcting-our-childrens-behaviors/" rel="nofollow">Correcting our Children’s Behaviors</a> =-. Dear Derek
I cannot agree more. As a child you cannot see that.

As parents and adults we really need to work on eliminating the victimhood in order to eliminate the scenario of bullying. I think we can do this by two ways, by empowering our children and even letting them to say no to us if something is not working for them and be respectful about it. That also does not mean that they get away with everything. the solutions have to be co-created. I have a blog post about this if you like please read and comment. http://parentologyblog.com/2010/04/part-1-know-no-power/
Secondly we need to educate other parents to not to victimize their children. I feel a lot for those children too. For them, this is the only way that they can be seen, heard and given power to.
Thank you for writing this blog.
Gonan
.-= Gonan Premfors´s last blog ..Correcting our Children’s Behaviors =-.

]]> By: Derek Markham http://naturalpapa.com/parenting/bullies-and-kids-how-do-you-respond/#comment-10665 Derek Markham Tue, 18 May 2010 04:58:02 +0000 http://naturalpapa.com/?p=2578#comment-10665 Gonan - As an adult, I can understand and agree with your first point, but as a kid, I don't think there's any way I would have understood that (probably). But you're right, in that those kids were taught, either directly or indirectly, to act out in that way. And the idea that "If there is no victim, then there is no abuser" has really broad ramifications in our world, as far as empowering us to take action and stand tall in the face of oppression or aggression. It's definitely a topic for further exploration and discussion. Thanks for your comment! Gonan – As an adult, I can understand and agree with your first point, but as a kid, I don’t think there’s any way I would have understood that (probably). But you’re right, in that those kids were taught, either directly or indirectly, to act out in that way. And the idea that “If there is no victim, then there is no abuser” has really broad ramifications in our world, as far as empowering us to take action and stand tall in the face of oppression or aggression. It’s definitely a topic for further exploration and discussion.

Thanks for your comment!

]]> By: Derek Markham http://naturalpapa.com/parenting/bullies-and-kids-how-do-you-respond/#comment-10664 Derek Markham Tue, 18 May 2010 04:52:49 +0000 http://naturalpapa.com/?p=2578#comment-10664 Jack - That sounds like a good plan, getting your kids into a teaching situation where they can learn how to deal with bullies. And I'm totally with you - if there is no choice, we do what we need to do. Jack – That sounds like a good plan, getting your kids into a teaching situation where they can learn how to deal with bullies. And I’m totally with you – if there is no choice, we do what we need to do.

]]> By: Gonan Premfors http://naturalpapa.com/parenting/bullies-and-kids-how-do-you-respond/#comment-10662 Gonan Premfors Tue, 18 May 2010 04:19:57 +0000 http://naturalpapa.com/?p=2578#comment-10662 Dear Derek At Parentology we believe, first of all we should not label any body. The kids who use bullying have some needs that they are not met at home. Most probably they are being disempowered or some how verbally or physically abused. So we should have compassion for them too as they are hurting too. All we have to do is to keep educating parents not to smack their children and start listening to their children. Secondly I totally agree with you. "If there is no victim then there is no abuser". If we keep very close relationship with our children through deep listening and emotional intelligence, also keep empowering them including in our relationship. This will create intimate, trusted and bonded relationships between us and our children. Even if they feel humiliated because we process those emotions with them rather then fixing them, they will come and tell us that sort of stuff. And if they are mostly empowered they will stand up for themselves. But if we get our children to submit all the time, they may submit to an abuser like that too. This is actually such a long topic and so many skills involved and I just tried to address it in a nut shell, I hope it is helpful. I am curious about your thoughts now. Warm Regards Gonan Premfors Parentology Dear Derek
At Parentology we believe, first of all we should not label any body. The kids who use bullying have some needs that they are not met at home. Most probably they are being disempowered or some how verbally or physically abused. So we should have compassion for them too as they are hurting too. All we have to do is to keep educating parents not to smack their children and start listening to their children.
Secondly I totally agree with you. “If there is no victim then there is no abuser”. If we keep very close relationship with our children through deep listening and emotional intelligence, also keep empowering them including in our relationship. This will create intimate, trusted and bonded relationships between us and our children. Even if they feel humiliated because we process those emotions with them rather then fixing them, they will come and tell us that sort of stuff. And if they are mostly empowered they will stand up for themselves. But if we get our children to submit all the time, they may submit to an abuser like that too.
This is actually such a long topic and so many skills involved and I just tried to address it in a nut shell, I hope it is helpful. I am curious about your thoughts now.
Warm Regards
Gonan Premfors
Parentology

]]> By: Jack http://naturalpapa.com/parenting/bullies-and-kids-how-do-you-respond/#comment-10650 Jack Mon, 17 May 2010 18:13:48 +0000 http://naturalpapa.com/?p=2578#comment-10650 I got my kids into Krav Maga. It is a great way to give them training so that feel comfortable and confident about taking care of themselves. They teach them not just to defend themselves but how to deal with bullies and strangers. FWIW, I am not an advocate of fighting, but if there is no choice I haven't any issue with it. I am not a turn the cheek kind of guy. Avoid it if you can, but when you can't hit harder than the other guy. .-= Jack´s last blog ..<a href="http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/blogspot/ycyp/~3/W1oTNN-KGtg/somebody-to-love.html" rel="nofollow">Somebody To Love</a> =-. I got my kids into Krav Maga. It is a great way to give them training so that feel comfortable and confident about taking care of themselves.

They teach them not just to defend themselves but how to deal with bullies and strangers.

FWIW, I am not an advocate of fighting, but if there is no choice I haven’t any issue with it. I am not a turn the cheek kind of guy. Avoid it if you can, but when you can’t hit harder than the other guy.
.-= Jack´s last blog ..Somebody To Love =-.

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