Natural Papa » Fatherhood

Special Fathers Day Issue of Good Men Project Magazine Coming June 16

Derek Markham — Mon, 14 Jun 2010 22:45:37 +0000

If you haven’t seen the Good Men Project Magazine yet, you’ll want to check it out this Wednesday, June 16, for their Fathers Day edition. I like what I’ve seen so far, and I’m looking forward to reading the latest.

Fathers Day features will include:

Mike Mooney tells the unforgettable story of a father who spent 26 years in prison for a rape he didn’t commit, and the son who was only 1 when his father was sent away. Now exonerated and free, father and son are learning it’s not always easy picking up where you left off.
In an excerpt from his critically acclaimed new book, Are We Winning? Fathers, Sons, and the Great Game in the New Century, Will Leitch drinks with (and occasionally learns from) his dad.
How would you describe your father in two words? Good Men Project founder Tom Matlack asks famous men—from athletes to writers—to do just that. In addition, he writes about young men growing up without fathers.
What does a dad look like? We highlight photographs of 100 fathers—one per year from the last century.
Being a great dad isn’t always easy. In an excerpt from his new book, The Modern Dad’s Dilemma, John Badalament teaches dads how to see—and be seen—by their kids.
Kase Johnstun always admired his grandfather’s longterm sobriety. Then, on a family fishing trip, grandpa fell off the wagon. And he stayed there until he died. “Losing Grandpa” is Johnstun’s powerful story about his grandfather’s decision to drink himself to death.
Book reviewer Andrew Ladd reviews biographies of famous figures who are often referred to as “The Father of [x]” (Edison/invention, Darwin/evolutionary theory, Marx/communism, FDR/New Deal) to see what they were like as actual fathers.

The Good Men Project Magazine is a cross-platform, multi-media destination featuring compelling writing about parenting, sex, relationships, identity, ethics, humor, and health. The publication’s contributors include top-tier journalists commissioned to provide feature content as well as volunteer writers and bloggers.

Review of The Evolution of Dad Film

Derek Markham — Mon, 07 Jun 2010 18:09:59 +0000

The role of the dad in families is rapidly changing. I know, state the obvious, eh? More fathers are opting to be the stay at home caregiver, there’s an increased interest for dads to be a bigger participant in their children’s lives, and more men are questioning their priorities. And that’s a good thing. Because if we were just continuing to follow along in the same parenting styles as our own parents, our children wouldn’t get the advantage of our own evolution as men and as fathers.

A new film, The Evolution of Dad, takes a hard look at the changing role of fathers, giving us a glimpse into the lives of dads who aren’t just playing lip service to fatherhood – they’re taking very active roles in what’s probably the most important job ever: raising human beings.

I got a chance to view a screening of The Evolution of Dad, and my first thought was, “It’s about time.”

Sure, there are plenty of books about fathers and fatherhood (but not nearly the number of titles as there are about mothers and motherhood), but this film is full of interviews with dads who have broken with tradition and chosen to be active, engaged fathers. It’s also got some great insights from experts in fatherhood and men’s issues, some of which are eye-opening, especially for those who haven’t explored the issues of what it means to be a good man, or a good father.

“Almost 100 years after an outspoken woman from Washington State decided that her father, a single and devoted parent of six, deserved to have a day dedicated to him similar to Mother’s Day, we follow Glazer’s personal journey as he explores the idea of how fatherhood has grown and changed over the years. What does it mean to be an involved American father today? How do dads deal with the challenges they face now, and how many of them are the same as those they faced so many years ago? Glazer discusses these questions, and more, through the words of fatherhood and parenting experts and the struggles of real dads.”

I watched The Evolution of Dad with my wife, and I kept glancing over at her as she caught pieces of the fatherhood puzzle, nodding her head in agreement with what was being portrayed in the film. And because sometimes our significant other won’t take things to heart if we tell them, only when they hear if from other sources, I felt grateful to have someone else verbalize some of the challenges and difficulties of fatherhood, such as the fact that many of us equate being a good father with our earnings (and as a consequence, our feelings of being ‘failure’ as a father when we’re not able to provide materially for our families in the way we would like to).

I really enjoyed The Evolution of Dad, and thought to myself “What a wonderful world it would be if more men made fathering a bigger priority in their lives.”

I know that my own journey of fatherhood would probably have been smoother if I had realized earlier that I wasn’t the only one struggling with these challenges, and saw the connection to other men and their own feelings on the subject. And having some historical perspective of fatherhood over the years made me realize how much our role has been shaped by our culture, and how hard it is to break out of the cultural norm.

The only issue I had with the film was that it tried to cover too much ground – the section on stay at home dads could have easily been its own feature. But that’s a small complaint, as the film was well done and the flow was easy to follow.

The Evolution of Dad is a film that ought to be watched by all fathers and mothers, and by young men and women as well – there are lessons for the dads and moms of the future, because parenting isn’t something that’s taught to us very well while growing up. It doesn’t have any easy answers to better fathering or being a more engaged dad, but I think you’ll walk away with a bunch of questions about your own role (or that of your husband) in the family. And knowing the questions is half the battle.

Connect with The Evolution Dad on Twitter or Facebook.

Click here to order “The Evolution of Dad” on DVD

Hank D and the Bee: Power Outage

Joe Mohr — Thu, 06 May 2010 12:13:14 +0000

Follow the entire Hank D and the Bee series on JoeMohrToons.com–and on Twitter @GreenCartoons.

The Evolution of Dad Film

Derek Markham — Sat, 24 Apr 2010 00:29:50 +0000

I’m looking forward to seeing the completed film The Evolution of Dad, to be released on Father’s Day 2010. Here’s the trailer:

The Evolution of Dad is a thought-provoking documentary about what it means to be a contemporary American father. Following the personal journey of filmmaker and dad, Dana H. Glazer, the film explores how fatherhood has evolved over time, what its impact has been on family and society; and lastly, how fatherhood will likely continue to evolve.

Evolution of Dad @EvoDadMovie

Giants of Men

Derek Markham — Mon, 01 Mar 2010 12:00:17 +0000

[This is a revised version of a post originally published on Jan. 11, 2009, one that I felt was worth revisiting.]

This weekend, I buried my grandfather. He was a giant among men, and will be sorely missed.

He lost his wife of 65 years to cancer over two years ago, and he still lived at home (he was 90), but was unable to fully care for himself anymore. We knew that he wouldn’t last much longer, but it was still a shock to hear the news of his passing. He was my last grandparent still living, so perhaps that’s why his death was hard for me to take. I didn’t realize how much I missed my grandparents until they were all gone.

I heard so many good things about him at the funeral – how many people he had touched with his life, what a strong presence he had, and how much he valued his family and community. His funeral service was standing room only.

As I looked at my mother and her siblings on the stand, I saw them as they were now, getting old and now assuming the positions of matriarchs and patriarchs of their families. I no longer saw the uncles and aunts who always seemed so young to me, and who always looked up to their parents for guidance.

It brought up a lot of thoughts and feelings about family and relations for me. I realized that I was now only a single generation away from being the head of my family, and that felt strange. Could I live up to those standards? What will they say about me when I’m gone?

Every person at his funeral service expressed such respect for him that I found myself with a new admiration for his life. Perhaps the most common thing that people said about my grandpa was that he lived a good life and was passionate and committed to his principles. He left a legacy of service to others.

And I didn’t see that as I was growing up. All I saw was a grandpa. Not a person, not a man. But he was, all of his life – raising a family during the depression and then WWII, and living to see the era of laptop computers and digital cameras and cellphones. What a contrast to his childhood!

It started me thinking about the difference between men of his era and those of my generation. It seems that we’re losing something. I know that I did – both of my grandfathers passed away before I was wise enough to consider the wealth of experience in their lives. A whole generation of giants of men are leaving us, and with them, we’re also losing their ideals and virtues and principles.

When we lose these giants of men, these principles become endangered:

“He’s a good man.” The endorsement of a friend or community member was as simple as that. And it meant a lot. It said that person had honor and integrity and could be counted on to do what he said. My generation has lost this. We still endorse and recommend our friends, but it doesn’t carry the same weight anymore. We’ve become cynical and skeptical about others, and could use a return to trust and integrity in our world.

Cash is king. If you didn’t have the money back in the day, you didn’t buy it. You made it, or you scavenged it, or you did without. If something got broken, you repaired it (again and again). Today, everybody wants to extend credit to us, and we’re all purchasing things that we don’t really need, simply because we can buy them. Having that debt puts us under the gun to make more money every day, and having all that stuff doesn’t make us any happier.

Saving your money is honorable. Those growing up through the depression eras had different ideas about money, and saving it was higher in priority than spending it on consumer goods. Putting our cash aside for a rainy day or for the future is not super-relevant to my generation. We’ve been told that 401K plans and Social Security will be our safety net, not our savings. And we spend huge portions of our lives just paying for a house that we’re told is a good investment, with little to no cash savings.

A handshake deal is written in stone. If you shook on it, a verbal agreement was as good as a contract. Better, even. A man’s personal integrity was what bound him to do the right thing. Now we need multi-page contracts and background checks and credit checks to make a deal. We don’t trust anybody without a signature.

Marriage and children are sacred obligations. Marriage used to be a bigger commitment, not something to take lightly. A man took responsibility for his decisions and his actions, especially when it concerned his family. That’s not to say husbands or marriages or families were perfect then, but simply that it was a bigger deal to get married back then. Today our divorce rate is out of control, and fatherless children are the norm, not the exception. Men go through several wives these days, sometimes within a short time. Why get married if we aren’t really making a commitment?

Mind your own business. Gossip has been a part of the human experience for such a long time, but it used to be considered more of a bad thing. People were labeled as gossips because they were the exception, not the rule. Modern media has now made voyeurs of us – we want to see everyone’s dirty laundry and then judge them on it. Or we want to see someone else’s mistakes and screw-ups so we can laugh at it. If we put that same energy into changing our own lives, we’d be so much farther ahead and much better people because of it.

Do the right thing. Acting on principle is a rare thing these days. Most of us act out of our own best interest, not the good of the whole. Doing the right thing everywhere you go is hard, but it’s what separates the men from the boys.

Row your own boat. Men did what it took to get ahead and to support their families. They worked hard at honest jobs, taking pride in their work. We’ve now got generations that think the world owes them a living, and we expect to get ahead even if we don’t do anything. It’s become more about who you know than what you do, and honest labor, skilled or otherwise, isn’t given the respect it deserves.

***

This may seem overly simplified, but I really do think that we’re losing something in our culture, and urge everyone to connect with and learn from our elders before they’re gone.

I can only hope that the legacy I leave behind will be something celebrated by my children and theirs. But somehow I don’t think it will be the same.

What do you think?

Tiny Commitments: A Daily Dad Schedule

Derek Markham — Thu, 14 Jan 2010 22:02:35 +0000

Over the last couple of months, I’ve been noticing the tendency in myself to easily make time for a quick phone call or email during my day if it’s work related, but a reluctance to be able to fit in some of the more important things every day, such as really connecting with my wife and children one-on-one.

It might be a guy thing, or maybe it’s just me, but I can often devote an hour to reading something of interest to me professionally, but have a hard time stopping to get down on the ground and rough-house with the kids.

My priorities needed to change – sure, work is important, but if I’m not close to my family, it’s for nothing, as I truly see my family as the greatest value in my life.

Our family has been working on the idea of ‘family dates’, where my oldest daughter will go somewhere just with mama, and our younger will do something with me, or the other way around. That’s been good, but they haven’t happened often enough to be a regular thing. I’d like to make connecting with each member of my family a regular daily item.

We’re good at making bigger plans – next week we go to this event, or next month we’ll do this family activity, but those types of plans don’t happen frequently enough for us, or we think that we’ll get some good family when it happens and we don’t focus on it in the mean-time.

Making Tiny Commitments

I realize that it’s so easy for me to be schedule-oriented when it comes to work commitments, so I am beginning to actually schedule some tiny daily commitments to my favorite people, so that it happens. I’m making a note on my daily scheduler (Google Calendar) for each of my kids and for my wife, with a reminder to do something meaningful with them each day. It doesn’t have to be a regularly scheduled time each day, as my day is flexible, but it may evolve into that.

The types of things we do together can be whatever they may want to do with me – as long as I’m dedicated to spending that time with them, we can do just about anything, so that they are really in control of the time with me.

My tiny commitments are separate from any of my other regular household commitments, such as washing clothes or dishes, and I’m starting small – 15 minutes. It’s only a quarter of an hour, but it is a quarter of an hour when I am completely present with them – no phone, no interruptions, no thinking about the rest of my day. And I’m finding that I need it as much as they do – it fills me up so that I can go on with my day with a light heart.

Keep it Simple and Spontaneous

Recently I spent some great one-on-one time with my 4YO, and she led the whole thing. We got down close to the ground and spent a long time just examining all the different dried seed pods and flowers that grew in a tiny area. We then stuck them like velcro onto my wool sweater, and talked about the seed connection between animals and plants, and how seeds will hitchhike with us. I know that I learned as much from her as she did from me, and came away with a whole new appreciation for things that I take for granted – the seeds of native plants and weeds in my neighborhood. And our whole ‘date’ was under a half hour long.

If you know that you often go a week without spending any really dedicated time with your kids or your wife, make some tiny daily commitments to them.

You’ll not only make them happy, but your life will get recharged by them as well.

Advice to Myself as a Young Man

Derek Markham — Mon, 28 Dec 2009 06:53:31 +0000

This year I turned 40, and along with the realization that I’m now middle-aged (ack!) came some meditations on the life lessons I’ve learned so far (or not learned, as the case may be). As part of that process of introspection, I found myself wondering what I wish I had heard (and taken to heart) as a young man, and how different my life would have been as a result.

I decided to try to write a letter to myself at the age of 15 – giving myself the advice I didn’t have the ears to hear 25 years ago. From that exercise, I came up with a list of things I learned the hard way, and I hope that it serves to help some young man in his path to manhood.

Life Advice to Myself as a Young Man

What other people think of you isn’t nearly as important as what you think of yourself.

It’s common to seek the approval of others, which can lead you down the path of doing things just because they want you to. It isn’t so common to follow your heart and believe in yourself. Learn to love who you are, not who others would have you be.

Rebelling against the status quo leads to burnout. Instead, boldly forge your own path.

Many things about the world will make you angry. But unless you come up with an alternative, your energy is wasted in simply being against something. Find out what you stand for, deep inside, and instead of pushing back against the world, use your heart and mind to become an agent of positive change.

Real men do cry.

Forget that macho bullshit that you hear in the locker room. Learn to be comfortable with your feelings, no matter what they are. Some men cry from joy and some cry from pain, but sooner or later, they all do. Holding your feelings locked inside is not healthy, nor is it manly. Don’t be afraid to feel deeply and to express it to the world.

Memorizing the answers isn’t as important as finding your own.

Most schools teach us to memorize the answers and to spit them back out on demand. They don’t necessarily teach us to think for ourselves, and they don’t teach us what’s really important in life. This isn’t to say you should ignore your teachers and drop out of school, but it is imperative that you question everything and make your own decisions. Never stop learning – every day brings a new lesson, if you are open-minded and not too full of yourself.

Mind your own business.

Gossip and mean-spirited talk about others is a bad habit, and one which leads to small thinking. It’s all good fun until it’s about you, and then you’ll wonder how people could be so mean. Friends that spend their time talking down about others will talk about you sooner or later. Drop them and find positive ones. Let others live their lives as they see fit, and concentrate on living your own.

Stick up for the weak and the small.

True strength lies in knowing where and when to show it. Picking on the small, the weak, and the less fortunate doesn’t take strength. Standing up for them does. Be a champion of the underdog, the young, the old, and those who are struggling.

Having a girlfriend isn’t as important as having friends who are girls.

They sure are beautiful, and movies, music, and TV all tell us that we need to have a girl by our side to be whole. What they don’t tell you is that if you feel that way, you’ll always be looking for the next one, a ‘better’ one. If you really want to know about women, make friends with them, talk to them, and listen to them. You’ll learn more that way than you will from any Hollywood movie, and chances are, you’ll have a much richer relationship than one based on how she looks in short shorts.

Sex isn’t conquest.

Again, pop culture will lead you astray, especially when it comes to sex. You won’t be any more of a man if you sleep with lots of girls, but you will have a much bigger chance of getting one pregnant or picking up an STD along the way. I’m not saying you need to abstain or wait for marriage, but I am saying that you need to consider that every girl is someone’s daughter or sister, and to respect them as you would your own sister. And for god’s sake, make sure you are prepared with some form of birth control. Being a teen dad isn’t manly either.

Anyone can imitate, but it takes a brave soul to think for himself.

When watching the coolest kids in school, or the best jock, or the most popular guys, it’s tempting to want to be just like them. But if you were just like them, you wouldn’t be following your own true nature. It’s great to learn from others, but to simply imitate them is cheap and fake. Listen to yourself – to what values and dreams are important to you, and live your life in accordance with those, not someone else’s.

Winners do quit, no matter what the cliché is.

If your heart isn’t in it, then it doesn’t serve you to keep doing the things that people think you ought to do. And if you want to be the best didgeridoo player ever, you might have to quit the chess club or the Future Farmers of America, or whatever it is that is taking your time and attention away from playing the didgeridoo. In fact, you might need to quit everything else. But that’s up to you and your dream. Don’t let anyone tell you that persevering through something you can’t stand is of a higher moral imperative than quitting. There’s value in pushing through the tough parts, but suffering for someone else will never be cool or productive for you.

Making lots of money isn’t the point, but neither is it evil.

It would be wonderful if money solved everything, but all it takes is a quick look at a newspaper to see that those who ‘have everything’ also have whole worlds of trouble that you don’t. Because I had but little money, I used to believe that having lots of money was evil, and I denied myself the idea I was capable of earning a good living by following my dreams. Don’t let that be you. Don’t be a slave to the dollar, but also don’t let yourself stay poor out of a moral judgment.

Follow your muse, even if it doesn’t seem practical to your family, friends, or teachers.

People will always try to tell you what you should do with your life, mostly based on what they want from you. Sometimes it’s based on what they wish they could have done, sometimes it’s based on what they did do, and sometimes they simply want to live vicariously through you. Most of the time it’s out of love for you, so don’t be angry at them. But at the same time, remember that you’re the one who will have to live with those decisions, so if you are being pushed to go to college, and all you want to do is draw or paint, don’t let others decide for you. Not everyone needs to go to college. There are plenty of trade schools, apprenticeships, and alternative education experiences available to you – and college will always be there for you if you wish. If your heart tells you to play guitar and write music all day, then getting a degree in accounting isn’t going to be fulfilling to you. Listen to your heart.

Don’t take yourself too seriously.

Nobody really enjoys being laughed at by others (well, perhaps comedians or clowns do). However, learning to laugh at ourselves is an important skill to have. If we’re so hung up on always being right, or always winning, or always being ‘perfect’, we’ll miss out on a lot of life. Making mistakes is how we learn, and the more comfortable we are with failing, the less we are afraid to take chances.

Love who you are, not who you think you ought to be.

All of us are born with something special to share with the world. Don’t listen to those who would tell you otherwise. You count. You’re amazing. You’re perfect just as you are. Don’t try to be someone else, and don’t try to be something for someone else. Follow your own counsel always, and trust your heart.

Above all, be honest.

Be honest to your friends, your enemies, your parents, and most importantly, to yourself. If you have the slightest hesitation about your actions or words, think twice. When you look at yourself in the mirror, you want to be proud of yourself and the choices you’ve made. That won’t be the case if you’re not brutally honest with yourself. A true man takes the consequences of his actions and doesn’t try to get out of them or pretend they didn’t happen. If you make a mistake, admit it and make it right. You’ll always have to answer to the man in the mirror, so do yourself a favor and do right the first time.

[After writing over 1500 words, I realized that there's more to this post than I thought. I imagine I'll be revisiting this theme in the near future.]

Oh yeah –> You might want to follow me on Twitter.

Image: Robyn Gallagher at Flickr

When Does a Boy Become a Man? Our Missing Rites of Manhood

Derek Markham — Mon, 21 Dec 2009 23:20:04 +0000

At what point in a boy’s life does he become a man? How does his community, his father and uncles and grandpas, acknowledge that transition and begin the initiation and mentoring process of bringing him into the brotherhood of men?

With our daughters, we can acknowledge their ascent to young womanhood when they start their moon cycle, as it’s an obvious physical sign – my wife is already planning our oldest daughter’s first moon ritual – but in our modern culture, we have lost any traditions and rites of manhood we may have once had.

For the last ten years or so I’ve been thinking quite a bit about the relationship between fatherhood and manhood. I’ve done some serious work on myself in the areas of fatherhood, self-growth, and interpersonal relationships, but I still can’t quite get a handle on the subject of what it means to be a man.

When I was a teenager, I wasn’t taught ‘how to be a man,’ or shown any special treatment from the men that I knew with regards to the journey from boy to man, and I believe this had a lot to do with my aimlessness and angst during those years. I didn’t respect my elders (at least as far as their knowledge and experience went), and I made many mistakes in relationships with women, with substance abuse, with ego-driven acts meant to artificially inflate my importance to myself and to the world.

I believe that it had a lot to do with the fact that I didn’t have a relationship with mentor or a “heroic man” to show me the ropes and to teach me about manhood and responsibility and maturity. That’s not to say that my father didn’t try to teach me in his own way, but due to the emotional distance between us, I was often too busy rebelling against what I perceived as his undue authority over me. I also believe that his relationship with his own father wasn’t very close or supportive, and that transferred to our relationship. I can’t say that for sure, as I only saw glimpses of his relationship with his father when they interacted (not very often, as we lived far away from my grandparents), but now that I look back, it sure seems that way to me.

Recently, I’ve been trying to imagine how I could avoid that same mistake in my own life, as I have a son who will be 15 soon. He lives with his mother, so I don’t get to see him very often due to the physical distance between us, but I very much wish to be able to guide and mentor him as he goes through the trials and challenges of growing up. We live very different lives, and I know that even though I love him greatly, I can’t do much for him in terms of teaching him or showing him by example if I’m not around him.

In my own journey, I’ve been fortunate to be involved with a traditional sweat lodge community, which also includes the practice of ‘going on the hill’ (vision quest) and a yearly week-long Sundance ceremony. Participating in these powerful rituals has helped me to better understand my own true nature, my relationships with other humans, and my relationship with the Creator. It’s taught me about endurance, faith, responsibility, self-love, and community, and I wouldn’t be who I am today without these ceremonies in my life.

For some traditional cultures, it is the uncles or grandparents who are the guiding force for young men – the boy’s father is often too close to be able to truly teach him without it being tainted by his power as a father. For that reason, I believe that the uncles and grandpas I have gained through ceremony have been able to teach me so much – we’re not burdened by the axiom of “familiarity breeds contempt” when taught by someone outside our immediate family.

I also know that many men don’t have these types of rituals in their lives, and that their sons are taught by sports coaches or scoutmasters, pastors or guidance councilors, video games or the TV. I’m not saying these fathers are not good men, or that they aren’t trying to be good fathers, but merely that it isn’t taught – the transition to manhood nowadays is usually not celebrated or recognized by our society except through such tokens as a first shave, having sex, getting a driver’s license or a job, going to college, or perhaps joining the military.

Why can’t we raise manliness and manhood to the level of importance that feminism and the women’s movement has reached? Are we as men not ready to ask serious questions of ourselves and to change our lives if necessary? Are we not able to speak to our sons about the lessons we’ve learned (or not learned, as the case may be) and to guide them as friends and as fellow men?

So here’s my question to you: When does a boy become a man? What rites of manhood did you go through, or that you are planning for your son?

Natural Fatherhood: My Credo

Derek Markham — Wed, 16 Dec 2009 19:00:00 +0000

I’ve had a number of dads (and moms) ask me why I choose to use the term ‘natural fatherhood’, as opposed to just fatherhood or parenting. One of the first things I bring up is the idea of natural parenting – a parenting style that fits closely with my personal ideals.

Everyone defines it a bit differently, and because attachment parenting has a pretty defined scope, it’s not the same thing.

So I sat down and attempted to put together a credo for natural fatherhood, as defined by my personal beliefs. You may not agree with me, and that’s ok. Different strokes for different folks…

Natural Fatherhood Credo

This natural father believes:

Homebirth is awesome. It’s been happening for thousands of years without doctors and hospitals. If you feel the pull toward homebirth, do your homework, talk to midwives and doulas, and make an informed decision.
Unassisted homebirth is the ultimate DIY project. I highly recommend it.
Circumcision is barbaric and cruel. Go watch one if you disagree. Please reconsider routine circumcision.
Agreeing to vaccinate your child without fully researching the issue is irresponsible. Giving small babies multiple vaccines is so new that we don’t know the consequences. Maybe autism. Maybe SIDS.
Co-sleeping is where it’s at.
Wearing your child on your body, in a sling or in a soft pack (Ergo-carrier style), is as natural as birth.
Infant Potty Training is a great way to eliminate the need for diapers early in your child’s life.
Homeschooling works. Unschooling works even better. It’s not hard. Different, but not difficult.
Your children are miniature people. They learn by watching you, and just because they don’t know the language doesn’t mean that they are dumb.
Our children are also our friends.
Kids need guidelines. Natural parenting is not permissive parenting.
Natural foods are the basis for health in children and adults. Eating quality nutritious food will save you grief and money in the long run. It’s your health plan.
Grow your own food organically in whatever space you have. It makes sense.
It’s important to have “papa time” that is just for you. You have to work on yourself and listen to what your needs and wants are. Just because you are a father does not mean that your personal development is done. Quite the contrary.
Sometimes it takes superpowers to be a dad.
Everyday brings a new lesson, a new opportunity. Make the most of it. Be present with your children.

Natural fatherhood is not mothering for men.

It’s the role of a man fully engaged in raising his kids in a good way without the macho b.s., a man that is awake and aware and growing. A man that has a strong spiritual path will naturally pass on that tendency to his children through spiritual fathering. And when I look around me at the world, I see a big need for men that are strong fathers, spiritual fathers.

There is a lot of focus on mothers and mothering, and it would be great if we started hearing more about fathering. I say fathering instead of fatherhood: fathering is active, and fatherhood a state of being, seems to me. I’m going to use natural fathering to describe what I do, and natural fatherhood is the state I aspire to.

What would you add to this? Disagree? Leave me a comment, or write your own credo and let us know where to find it!

Image: kevinzim at Flickr

New Dads, Dads-to-Be, Got a Question?

Derek Markham — Mon, 23 Nov 2009 21:44:50 +0000

New dads, dads-to-be, got a question? on 12seconds.tv

I’d like to know what questions you have about being a dad, about fatherhood, about relationships, or parenting in general. Leave me a comment or email me at derek (at) naturalpapa.com.

Natural Papa » Fatherhood

Special Fathers Day Issue of Good Men Project Magazine Coming June 16

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Advice to Myself as a Young Man

Life Advice to Myself as a Young Man

What other people think of you isn’t nearly as important as what you think of yourself.

Rebelling against the status quo leads to burnout. Instead, boldly forge your own path.

Real men do cry.

Memorizing the answers isn’t as important as finding your own.

Mind your own business.

Stick up for the weak and the small.

Having a girlfriend isn’t as important as having friends who are girls.

Sex isn’t conquest.

Anyone can imitate, but it takes a brave soul to think for himself.

Winners do quit, no matter what the cliché is.

Making lots of money isn’t the point, but neither is it evil.

Follow your muse, even if it doesn’t seem practical to your family, friends, or teachers.

Don’t take yourself too seriously.

Love who you are, not who you think you ought to be.

Above all, be honest.

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Natural Fatherhood Credo

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